He said he was just being honest.
But it landed like a gut punch. No warning. No context. Just a random late-night text—3 a.m., mind you—like a petty ghost dropping a grenade and logging off.

▶️ [Listen to the Podcast Episode]

📥 [Download the B.R.U.T.A.L. Self-Inventory Workbook]

Let’s get one thing straight:
“I’m just being real” is gaslighting in a trench coat.
This guy waited six weeks and three dates—spread out with gaps, not even consecutive—to suddenly say, “I’m not attracted to you.” Like…okay? But then why did you keep asking me out? Why touch my knee like it’s property? Why shove your face into mine like you’re auditioning for a role in my life I never cast you in?
When I didn’t give him the emotional fireworks he wanted—when I was calm, neutral, and unbothered by his lateness—he called me “unemotional.” I call it emotionally stable.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Truth without tact is just ego. Truth without context is often retaliation. If you’re not offering clarity but instead trying to reclaim dignity through insult, that’s not communication. That’s projection in drag.

Let’s be real about why this stuff lingers.

As women—especially femme-presenting people—our social identity is trained to associate attractiveness with worth. When someone attacks in that way, even passively, it hits deep. And this wasn’t feedback. It was a power play. He didn’t say, “I don’t think we’re a match.” He said, “I’m not attracted to you.” He wanted it to sting. He wanted me to wonder.
But it wasn’t about me. It was about how I didn’t reflect the fantasy he had of himself being desired. I didn’t feed his blonde-haired, blue-eyed entitlement. So he used “truth” like a sword.

The irony? He was the one constantly pointing out how gay men always hit on him—how women don’t approach him. And I was like, “Sir, that might be the universe trying to tell you something.” The projection was loud. The energy? Confused. The midnight message? Retaliation, not revelation.
“It wasn’t feedback. It was retaliation for not getting what he wanted.”

Usually, after coming across someone with issues, I remind myself that boundaries are there for a reason when dating, not an act of desperation. Of course, I update my dating profiles with actual alignment, not just aesthetics. And when I did jump back in, I used sites and apps that work with my dating terms.

He didn’t get the reaction he wanted. I didn’t unravel. I didn’t beg. I didn’t clap back. I sat in my truth quietly… and created an entire toolkit from it.
If someone’s “honesty” feels like a power play—it probably is.

That’s not your truth to carry; that’s their to unpack, and no, you’re not too much, you’re not cold, and you’re not bitter. You’re not “unattractive” just because someone with a fragile ego didn’t feel praised enough.
You’re discerning. You’re grounded. And your peace is not up for auction.

This isn’t motivation—it’s reclamation.  In the debut episode of Honest Pursuits, Cate Brown stops performing for approval and starts designing life on her own terms. She dismantles the myth of “having it all,” calls out success theater for what it is, and lays out the real framework that saved her sanity: B.R.U.T.A.L. = Boundaries, Reinvention, Unlearning, Truth, Accountability, Liberation.
It’s not therapy; it’s a strategy for people who are done shrinking.
Bold, funny, and brutally self-aware—this is your permission slip to stop asking for one.
🎧 Listen now and take your power back.

These aren’t sponsored (yet). They’re survival tools. The emotional duct tape that kept me from throwing my laptop into traffic.

💡 Mentioned in This Episode:

• 🧠 Notion — because apparently “organize your breakdowns” is a productivity hack now.

• 💬 BetterHelp — when you need therapy without the small talk or the pants.

• 📘 Atomic Habits by James Clear — because you can’t manifest your way out of bad habits.

• 🕯️ $6 Lavender Candle (Target) — practically aromatherapy therapy.

We all have one brutal truth we’ve been avoiding. Mine became a podcast. Yours deserves a mic too.

📲 Confess your Brutal Truth.
Slide into the DMs on Instagram @honest.pursuits and drop your confession (anonymous if you want).
We might feature it on the next “Hot Seat Story Night” episode. No judgment. Just honesty with Wi-Fi.

Get Brutal With Yourself →

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