Because ‘Emotionally Available’ Isn’t in Season
Because ‘Emotionally Available’ Isn’t in Season
Because I refuse to freeze for validation — or treat affection like a temp job. Everyone’s rushing to find “someone for the holidays,” and I’m over here updating my resume under “emotional independence.” This kit is for those who’d rather date themselves—and still expect flowers.
DATE NIGHT ESSENTIALS
It’s not cuffing season — it’s audition season.
Boundaries Charged
VIPERTEK VTS-979 Stun Gun
Because I’m done being the plot twist — now I’m the warning label.
Why I Love This:
Because peace of mind is sexy — and so is being able to light up a parking lot and a predator. This stun gun is small, sleek, and gives off “don’t test me” energy even when it’s just sitting in your bag. It’s the perfect mix of safety and sass — a flashlight for finding your keys and a voltage reminder that you’re not the one to mess with. I carry it everywhere because boundaries are great, but backup is better.
Glow Discipline
Aveda Botanical Kinetics Hydrating Lotion
Because my glow-up needed caffeine too.
Why I Love This:
This moisturizer has been my ride-or-die for years — the one product that never ghosts, flakes, or ruins my makeup halfway through the day. Some mornings I wear it solo when I want the bare-faced but thriving look; other days it’s my smooth base for pretending I have my life together. It’s not greasy, not dramatic — just quietly perfect. Basically, it’s emotional stability in a bottle, and trust me, that’s saying something.
Commitment Beanie
Jaxmonoy Slouchy Beanies
Because bad hair days and bad dates deserve equal coverage.
Why I Love This:
This beanie is what I throw on when I’m five minutes late, emotionally unavailable, and still somehow the best-dressed person in the coffee shop. It’s soft, warm, and gives “I didn’t try” energy — even though I absolutely did. It’s the perfect disguise for Sunday brunch hangovers, post-cry glow-ups, and pretending I’m mysterious instead of just cold and over it.
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Functional Flex
Because I’m done being the plot twist — now I’m the warning label.
Why I Love This:
This bag literally goes with everything — jeans, heels, hangovers, existential crises — you name it. It’s sleek enough for date night, chill enough for errands, and structured enough to convince people you have your life together (even when your texts say otherwise). I’ve worn it with a blazer and sweatpants, and somehow it still screams “main character.”
It’s the kind of timeless, no-nonsense piece that carries your lip gloss, receipts, and delusions in style. Basically, it’s versatility with emotional range, which is more than I can say for most of my exes.
