You ever just sit there like… damn, I really let them—and now I’m the one eating dinner alone, pretending I love my own company for the fourth night in a row.
▶️ [Listen to the Podcast Episode]
📥 [Download the B.R.U.T.A.L. Self-Inventory Workbook]
You’ve Been Told to “Let Them”… But Now You Feel Alone
We all drink a Kool-Aid at some point in our lifetime. That viral Mel Robbins “Let Them Theory”? Yeah, I checked it out. I let him not text me back. I let my friend act weird and didn’t say anything. I let people exit my life without explanation. Nope, I didn’t partake in the let them theory because that’s not peace.
Here’s the truth: detachment isn’t always healing. Sometimes it’s just ghosting yourself before anyone else can. Sometimes “letting them” is just code for emotional shutdown. And now? You’re not Zen. You’re just lonely.
I’m not saying you should chase people who clearly don’t care. But somewhere along the line, this whole “detached goddess energy” turned into nobody texts me first, nobody checks in, and I don’t even remember how to ask for help.
When Detachment Became a Trend: How “Let Them” Got So Loud
Let’s talk about how we even got here. Because I swear this wasn’t always the vibe.
Social media turned boundary-setting into this performative badge of honor. Someone flakes on you? Let them. Someone doesn’t reply to your birthday text? Let them. You’re lowkey hurt but don’t want to seem needy? LET THEM.
It’s like emotional ghosting went viral. And underneath it all? Burnout. We’re exhausted from overextending, overfawning, and overfunctioning. So yeah, detachment felt like medicine. But some of you all overdosed. I know I did.
(If you’ve ever used “detachment” to hide from your own needs, you’ll get it.)
The irony? The more we posted about “protecting our peace,” the more we ended up… alone. And not in an empowered way. In a where the hell did everybody go? way.
The Loneliness Trap: Why It’s Not Working
Here’s what no one wants to admit:
You didn’t set a boundary—you set a wall.
You didn’t cultivate inner peace—you built emotional solitary confinement. And the more you romanticized your “solo era,” the more you forgot how to ask for what you actually want.
Let’s talk symptoms. You feel like no one really gets you. You find yourself afraid to say what you actually need because it might make you “too much.” You call it being chill. But it’s not chill. It’s shutdown. And your resentment? It didn’t disappear—it just put on a disguise and started whispering, “you’re better off alone.” Outwardly, we’re watching ghosting become a lifestyle. Casual dating feels like a never-ending audition. And half the people I know are silently quitting their friendships because they don’t know how to confront without combusting.
We keep repeating this cycle because “letting them” gives us an illusion of control. But what we’re really doing is bowing out before anyone can disappoint us. And then wondering why we feel like we don’t belong anywhere.
What You Actually Want (And It’s Not to Be Unbothered)
Here’s the spoiler:
You don’t want to be “unbothered.” You want to feel safe.
You want to know that saying “Hey, that hurt my feelings” won’t make someone disappear. You want to be met, not managed. You want someone who challenges you without shaming you, corrects you without controlling you, loves you without requiring your silence.
You want emotional intimacy. Not emotional invisibility.
And you’re allowed to want that. Even if you’ve pretended otherwise for months. Even if your Instagram story screams “IDGAF” and your heart says “Please, just show up and stay.”
Conflict doesn’t mean chaos. Clean conflict—where you say the thing, hear the thing, and still come back—is what we’re craving. Not these situationships built on silence.
So What Do You Do Instead? Rebuild, Don’t Retreat
This part’s hard. Because once you’ve trained yourself to emotionally flinch at every potential disappointment, letting people back in feels like handing out weapons.
But there’s a difference between vulnerability and recklessness. You can re-engage without betraying yourself. Here’s how I started:
I stopped sending “whatever you want” texts and started saying, “Here’s what I’d prefer.”
I practiced not apologizing when I voiced a need.
I stopped ghosting people just because I was overwhelmed and told them, “I don’t have the bandwidth to connect right now, but I care.”
And most importantly, I redefined what it means to let go. Letting go isn’t “they didn’t text, so I’ll vanish into the void.” It’s asking, “Can this connection grow with me?” And if the answer’s no—then you walk. But not in fear. In clarity.
You’re Not Too Much. You’re Just Not Numbing Anymore.
Here’s the plot twist: feeling things again isn’t regression. It’s reawakening.
The “Let Them” Theory wasn’t wrong—it was just misused. Let people walk away if they don’t respect your worth. But don’t preemptively exile yourself just to avoid disappointment. That’s not self-respect. That’s self-isolation.
You deserve connection. The messy, honest, soulful kind.
So stop shrinking your needs for the comfort of others.
Stop “letting them” treat you like a placeholder.
And most of all?
Let yourself want more.
PLAY THE RECEIPTS
THE PODCAST
This isn’t motivation—it’s reclamation. In the debut episode of Honest Pursuits, Cate Brown stops performing for approval and starts designing life on her own terms. She dismantles the myth of “having it all,” calls out success theater for what it is, and lays out the real framework that saved her sanity: B.R.U.T.A.L. = Boundaries, Reinvention, Unlearning, Truth, Accountability, Liberation.
It’s not therapy; it’s a strategy for people who are done shrinking.
Bold, funny, and brutally self-aware—this is your permission slip to stop asking for one.
🎧 Listen now and take your power back.
TOOLS THAT SAVED MY SANITY
These aren’t sponsored (yet). They’re survival tools. The emotional duct tape that kept me from throwing my laptop into traffic.
💡 Mentioned in This Episode:
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🧠 Notion — because apparently “organize your breakdowns” is a productivity hack now.
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💬 BetterHelp — when you need therapy without the small talk or the pants.
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📘 Atomic Habits by James Clear — because you can’t manifest your way out of bad habits.
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🕯️ $6 Lavender Candle (Target) — practically aromatherapy therapy.
CONFESS YOUR BRUTAL TRUTH
We all have one brutal truth we’ve been avoiding. Mine became a podcast. Yours deserves a mic too.
📲 Confess your Brutal Truth.
Slide into the DMs on Instagram @honest.pursuits and drop your confession (anonymous if you want).
We might feature it on the next “Hot Seat Story Night” episode. No judgment. Just honesty with Wi-Fi.
No Filter. Just the Truth.
Find Your Next Episode
Turning Chaos Into Content
One brutally honest story at a time.
If your brain’s a podcast episode waiting to happen—you’re one of us.
Join the Honest Pursuits crew + get the B.R.U.T.A.L. Workbook. Let’s stop spiraling and start telling our stories.
Turning Chaos Into Content
One brutally honest story at a time.
If your brain’s a podcast episode waiting to happen—you’re one of us.
Join the Honest Pursuits crew + get the B.R.U.T.A.L. Workbook. Let’s stop spiraling and start telling our stories.
